Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
