I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
