there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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