Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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