I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
