um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
It's official drugs can't kill me
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize