He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
You pole danced in your parka.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
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