Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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