Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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