ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
