I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
