In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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