Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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