y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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