cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
