Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
