watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
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