If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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