My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
