The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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