Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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