didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
