whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
