Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
