like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
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