Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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