Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
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