I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
