the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
