did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
