I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
