So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I'm passing your future prison.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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