Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
