I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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