I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Randomize
