hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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