I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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