I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
