Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize