I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
There's even glitter on my cock...
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
