I heard we made out
1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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