Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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