you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
