shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
