Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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