My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Randomize
