Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Randomize
