Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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