She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
