it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize