This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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