Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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