I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
