So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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