and next time when you feel me up, do it right
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
