No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
