She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
