i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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