my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
