Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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