when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize
