How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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