Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Ketchup is God's man juice
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
