our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
