I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
