yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
