This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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