Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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