So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
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