I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
