great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
