Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize