tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
