I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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