I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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