idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
