wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
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