I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize
