hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
