dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
