not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
