elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Are my feet made of real feet?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
