I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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