I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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