you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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