I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Randomize