the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
