My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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