There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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