No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
