what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Randomize