Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Randomize
